2010

Originally, I wrote a post about my year. Reviewing it, month by month. However, it was an incredibly vague review. Few names were listed and only glimpses of memories were included.  I loved 2010, I really did.  
For New Year's Eve, I'm choosing to do nothing.  I had an expectation of what it would be like this year and although I've had some time to change that expectation, it hasn't really worked.  I tried to make plans, talked with friends and none of it seemed good enough. Nothing was going to save this night for me, so why try? Yes, I sound pathetic. Don't really care, it's how I feel. So I chose to be alone. No one needed to experience a grouchy New Year's Eve-er.
I have reviewed parts of this year numerous times over this past month. And these past few days, I've reviewed the entire year over and over again.  It was a great year in my eyes. It was a year full of surprises. Wonderful, delightful surprises.  I learned a lot. Love. Relationships. The Lord. Myself. Others. Life. So many things.  
I'm almost tempted to say I'm going to miss this year, but truth is I'll miss memories of this year.  There are memories from this year that I hope never to forget, that I never want to forget.  Memories I hold so dear to my heart. Memories I cherish deeply.  As "Hey, Soul Sister" plays on repeat right now, many of those memories flood my head. It was pretty much my song for this year.  How I loved 2010.
I miss something everyday. And I dream about it every night. 
Now don't get me wrong, 2010 had some ugly parts to it. Things I never saw coming, never wanted to see coming, or never wanted to see.  Parts have been hard, really hard. My heart has been broken a couple of times and I've experienced pain that I had never felt before. I've had to deal with changes and truths that are real whether I like it or not.  
Isn't that a part of growing up though? You experience pain, heartache, joy, love, laughter, happiness, ugliness, and beauty.  Aren't there times when you feel like the biggest mess, you feel like you are still picking up pieces of yourself, while someone else has continued with barely scrapped knees? Looks can be deceiving, but sometimes, glimpses are all we get and what we feel goes far deeper than rationale can reach.
2010 changed my life. Yes, every year that passes changes my life, probably every day, but this year was different. It was beyond expectation. I never saw most of it coming.  This year turned my life upside and inside out.  And I'll love it for that and so much more.  
I have no idea what 2011 will hold, nor do I have a choice but to enter into it. So enter into I will, with little expectation. Knowing that whatever comes, whatever choices I make, whatever happens, the only constant thing will be Jesus. And I pray to cling to Him like He is my only hope, because He is.  I have no idea where to go from here, but I don't have a choice, really. Forward.
I loved 2010. I pray 2011 is even better. Happy New Year to you. May the Lord bless you and keep you.