Playing it safe

I'm in the process of deciding my summer plans. I've had a few internship offers. I'm excited about each for different reasons. However, there are still issues. I consider myself an idealist. I want the visions, dreams, hopes in my head to come true. And well, life doesn't exactly work like that.
I sat in my car with Alex the other day talking about how I felt like I hadn't done much in college. I hadn't lived it out. How when I thought about college, the life I'm living is not what I had imagined. And the last part, for sure, is true. I didn't think my life would look like what it does. And it frustrates me, a lot sometimes. I know, see, and hear about college experiences, roommate adventures, road trips, mission trips, basically anything you think of and I get really jealous, because I haven't gotten to/ haven't done most of that. I have 10 months before I graduate and most of those things aren't even options anymore, because I have to be "responsible." I don't think there's a word I hate more right now than that one. 
I don't want to get stupid and do ridiculous things. I don't want to go off the deep end. I have no desire to do anything bad. I just want to live. I want to do something crazy. Like spend the summer in Africa or do the World Race or work for a refugee organization. I want to dive into the world and get dirty (in a Biblical sense, thank you very much!).
Will I do those things? I doubt it. I'll probably take the safest route, because that's who I am. I went to the "safest" college and stayed there. I have lived these four years in a bubble. I'll take the most responsible internship. I'll graduate and get a job, probably go to seminary. 
Here's where I am at. In 10 months, I "enter" the real world. However, I entered it a long time ago. It's just that that's what everyone will officially expect of me when I graduate. I feel like my youth is ending. It's not that I don't want to become an adult, I just don't want to be "that" adult. Living a normal, boring expected life. And I feel like that's what I've been living, because that's just who I am. I will be the responsible adult. I will do what's expected and needed. 
What it all boils down to is that I feel like I am a coward. The reason I haven't done most of the things is because I'm scared.
So as I poured my frustrations out to Alex, I said that I felt like a nobody.  He looked at me with the most sincere face, "You aren't a nobody to me."  He went one to talk about my friends and family. And what I have done. And I realized that while I wallow in my self-pity, I'm acting like my life is over and I'm downplaying/ ignoring the blessings of the people and things I have in my life. I have no idea when I'm going to die, but I'm not dead yet. I can't change the past, but I can live in the moment and the future is wide open.
I also realized that the world's idea of responsible and God's idea are worlds apart. And I choose God's. I choose to be a fool for Christ.
So here's to a life full of laughter and joy, some tears, immense faith, a life full of adventure!


Here's to a life worth living.

Emails from Africa

Part of this post has been written for a few days, but I had no idea what to do with it and what else to say until today! When I read an article.
Yesterday I was reading over a number of old emails. I came across the emails my boyfriend and I wrote to each other while I was in Africa in September. As much as I love Africa, that trip to Liberia was horrible.  At this point, Alex and I had been dating for 3 months (in fact, we hit the 3 months mark, while I was gone.) Anyways, having some letters with me from him and being able to get internet twice to check my email was a huge thing that kept me together. (Now before you think I hate Africa or something, you could not be more wrong. I love Africa and have since I began sponsoring this beautiful boy in Tanzania my freshman year of high school.  I've been there twice. And I'm praying that the Lord will bless enough to adopt at least one African baby.) This trip was difficult for many reasons. I remember having a countdown of hours going in my head with at least two days left. (You may be losing respect for me as I continue to type, I'll be happy to share my experience with you, I just don't want to share it with the world.) And then I boarded the plane, leaving my mom behind, where she would stay for the next 3 weeks. The flight was long and sleepless, 18 hours next to the air vent. I didn't care I just wanted to be home. Sometime around 6:30 AM Monday morning September 13, I stepped off the train of the Atlanta Airport and headed up that long escalator. I ran up it. I saw Alex and dropped everything I was carrying and landed in his arms (It could have been in a movie). 
Relief.
I was home.
I'm sure you are wondering why I'm telling this story.  Well as glad as I was to be home, as hard as the trip was, Liberia had etched itself on my heart.  I perk up anytime someone mentions the country. From being there and immersing myself in the culture and people, as well as studying the country, I know a lot about it. I not only had the honor of loving the poorest (of the world), I also sat in government officials' offices. I heard a sorts of stories from the war and life after, I heard the current struggles. 
To say this country is in real trouble is an understatement. The only electricity in the country is from generators. Running water ANY where in the country is a rarity and a luxury.  About 80% of the workforce is unemployed. The mother/child mortality rate is the highest in the world. This country is continually ranked in the top five poorest nations. Corruption and greed are rampant in the government. Three million people live in the country. It is the size of the state of Tennessee and there are 3 hospitals. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the picture.
Anyways, I read this article today about the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association holding a revival/meeting there in March.  Click here to read Billy's Experience
I thought it was very interesting. The vice president, Tolbert later became president of the country and he was assassinated while in office, which started the beginning of the civil war for this country.  
Just pray for this nation and people. They are lost and more than anything else, they need Jesus. Christianity is there and there are many churches, but they still need Him. I'm going to post a little background on the war and an interview I had with a member from Parliament that survived it.
Thinking about Africa today.

Day 8

A place you've traveled to.

Hmm. There are so many, but I just want to pick one today.

My dogs woke me up early this morning because they were hungry and needed to go outside. I walked onto the back patio and look at my pond, there's ice! Crazy! When I say I hate the cold, it's an understatement. However, it doesn't have beauty to it, so I pick Colorado.

I went there in 2007 with my brother's church. We were in Keystone. It was truly beautiful. The untouched snow, white and blinding brings Psalm 51 to my mind. "Wash me and I will be whiter than snow." Amazing. I love going out into nature and feeling an inch big. To stand on a mountaintop and feel significantly insignificant. It's not a bad feeling. Comfort and peace hit you in those moments. It was March so if you stayed active (skiing), you wouldn't get cold. At least I didn't and trust me few people can relate to my being cold. It was also a really fun trip. I got to hang out with just my brother. And hang out with my friends. It was so fun. You should go at point in your life. It's so worth it.

By the way, if your concern is to look good and stylish, skiing or snowboarding may not be for you. Looking cute is possible, but it's rare.