Christmas Day

Merry Christmas to you my dear friend, utter stranger, or someone in between.
May you be reminded why celebrating today is important.
May you be unable to ignore the blessings in your life and thank our Savior.
May you make amends with those you need to.
May you feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit in whatever way you need. 
May you return to Him if you've wandered.
May you walk in His light.
May you look at yourself with honesty and reality.
May you know see areas in your life that need improvement and actually take steps towards it.
May you make an effort to becoming a better follower and in turn become a better person.
May you lay your sins at the cross and allow His freedom to overwhelm you.
May you walk in the Light and not the darkness.
May you remember the reason for the season.
After all, aren't all these things why God sent His son into the world? Why one young girl carried the Savior of the world in her belly for 9 months? Why, even as low as His birth was, angels proclaimed His arrival. Why shepherds left their herds and came to worship Him? Why wise men traveled from afar to give Him precious and expensive gifts?
So that we could be with God, transformed by Him, formed anew in Him, praise Him for all things? Yes, that is what this season is about. It's about the beginning of a man's life which lead to humanity's redemption. It's about new beginnings and remembrance.
Merry Christmas to you my dear friend, utter stranger, or someone in between.

Christmas Eve

Today was tough. It was a lot tougher than I thought it would be.  Temptations were strong and I did a decent job of keeping busy. I sent a text to a friend for prayer.  
This Christmas season has been a lot tougher than I planned. I started out this month thinking it would be one way, doing certain things, lots of the fun things that people say they are going to do in the Christmas season, but rarely follow through on.  But things changed and plans were then altered. New plans were made. I spent a lot of this month hanging out with my mom, my all-time favorite person.  I spent a lot of time having one on one conversations. Catching up with people.  Rekindling some friendships. It wasn't a miserable month, but it was definitely unexpected. And it was tough.  
Isn't that how tough times go? Rarely do you see them coming and even if you do, they are a lot harder than you thought. At least that's true for me.
And today was just one of those day where the storm I'm standing is was a little stronger. Life was crazy this week and I had very little real down time or normalcy, so guess what got put on the back burner? My time with Jesus. It felt the ramifications of that today. After baking (chocolate cheesecake, macaroons, fudge, and other things), I had some down time and decided to excuse myself from the family and spend time with the Lord.  I loved reading what my devotional by Beth Moore had and Jesus Calling.  Beth was talking about Barnabas and how encouraging he was. I couldn't help but be reminded of how blessed I've been with friends, especially this month, who have been my encouragement this month. If you are one of those people reading this, I love you and thank you for your love.  I am blessed by you. Jesus calling was about the Hope of Glory, Jesus. I was reminded that in this storm, I will win no matter the outcome. No matter the ramifications. No matter the loss. No matter the changes that are happening. No matter that changes I need to make. I win. I win because the Holy Spirit dwells in me and reigns in this broken, miserable heart of mine. Oh Father, I celebrate the birth of your son. I celebrate your arrival Jesus. I celebrate You. Thank you for being my hope. Thank you that my eyes were opened some 12 years ago to Your glory.  No matter what comes, You are here with me God.
Today was tough. I survived. I survived in the arms of my Savior. Just like I will tomorrow and every other day the Lord grants me to live. 
Today was tough and I'll live.
Merry Christmas to whoever reads this.
Be blessed my friend. Survive in the arms of the Savior.

Granny

At about 10:30AM on December 23, 2001, my beloved Granny passed away.  She lost her battle to cancer.
Here is a copy of her obituary with, of course, our last names blacked out. (It's not super nice so you will have to excuse that part.)

I was 13 years old when she passed away. I had gone to see her multiple times during her last 3 months. My mom pretty much lived in Tampa those last 3 months as well.  By the time the doctors diagnosed (or admitted she had cancer, we are all convinced it was malpractice), it was too late. She had cancer of the bone marrow and it was in stage 4. No one comes back from that. Basically, these tumors ate her marrow so her bones started to disintegrate in the end. You could also see the tumors on her. It is a horrible way to die, as is all cancer.  She was graceful even in death though.  Her last three days, she hallucinated a lot, but in her "sane" moments, she could still quote countless Bible verses.


She was a remarkable woman. Ask anyone who met her. She never met a stranger and loved you no matter your history, sins, or mistakes.  She brought "strays" home for dinner all the time. She was all about family and they meant the world to her.  She was fiercely protective of them. She was something to be feared if you messed with her family or were disobedient.  When I say that, she didn't beat any of us or anything terrible, but you just knew not to disobey Granny. And if you messed with her family, she'd give you a tongue lashing that would take you two days to figure out she had reprimanded you because she did it so well.  Although she loved to watch old movies, she was much more about keeping the kids active. She took us to the thrift store, the beach, the park, anywhere that would allow us to be free to be kids.  She would sit outside and watch us play.  She would cook us delicious meals and her pantry was always packed with our individual favorite goodies.  The grandkids thought they were so cool because we got "midnight" snacks. Looking back, it was probably like 9PM, but we had no clue.  She was the grandmother and mother everyone dreams of having and every woman dreams of being. She loved with everything she had. Her life showed Christ in so many ways. She was deeply in love with her King and no one could doubt it. Her life and legacy shout what Jesus meant and who Jesus was in her life. She is the reason I became a Christian. Her heart for Him is what started it all for Jesus coming into this family.


I can still see all of us sitting at the table, munching on whatever we wanted. I can still remember bursting through her front door upon arriving from Atlanta and getting a huge hug and kiss from her. I can still feel the softness of her wrinkled hands and the smell of her lotion.  I can still remember sitting on her couch watching TV with her and Georgia Bell, her black and white kitty. I remember when I had a fever of 104.1 and she took me to the emergency room and took care of me. I remember falling out of the tree in her front yard and breaking my wrist. I was all scraped up and scared and her calmness and mastery of the situation was my strength. She ordered my cousins to help me out and took care of me again. I remember getting off the bus and her waiting for me everyday when she was visiting.  I remember the sound of her voice, with that sweet southern accent.  I remember so much of this woman and yet so little. I could hear stories of her life over and over again.  She lived such a fascinating and full life.  


Because of when she died, Christmastime reminds me of her. She died two days before Christmas and her funeral was the day after. It was a very hard Christmas that year.  It was the first Christmas I ever spent away from home. The whole family gathered in the Tampa area. This is the second Christmas I am spending away from home. This time it is for Popi, Granny's husband, no he hasn't passed away, but he is 85 and the years are catching up to him.  He asked that his family come together for Christmas this year and so most of us have gathered. It will be a Christmas to remember that is for sure. Christmastime in this family is bittersweet. However, this Christmas, although my momma can't spend it with hers, I sure am glad I get to spend Christmas with my momma.


Before I was born, Granny wrote me a card welcoming me into the world, letting me know how blessed and loved I would be. I found this card a few years ago after she had passed away. That card has rang true in my life for the past 22 years. Not only do I still feel my Granny's love and blessing in my life, but her legacy has impacted others who love and bless my life.


We all miss you, Granny, especially today. You, however, are celebrating Jesus' birth, heaven style, which I can only imagine, is one of the coolest things ever. 

Oh Christmas Tree

I have an earnest love of Christmas trees.  I really do. I love all of them but my favorites are the ones with ornaments that hold meaning to that family. One filled with color and not color coordinated. One with a mixture of colored and white lights, but the colored lights stand out more. One covered is sparkly tinsel. One that is decorated with laughter and joy.  That’s what our Christmas trees are at my house.  We have two this year when we generally only have one. We aren’t even going to be at my house on Christmas which makes me so sad. The last possible day to enjoy the trees during the Christmas season and I will be somewhere that is not home.  

During the Christmas season, I love to turn off the lights in the house and turn on the Christmas decorations and the trees, especially the trees and just admire them.  The variation of lights, different ornaments, and the glittering icicles warm me up inside.  Throw in a fire and good company and I am a content girl.  But I love to sit and stare alone mostly.  I sit with the light of the tree, falling lightly around me, bible and journal in hand, and spend time with the Precious One who is the reason there is a Christmas season.  It is such sweet time.  It is also where I write the blog posts that are not about the 30 day list.  The posts where I pour (or type) out my heart and share.  Last night was one of those nights. I had the house to myself and it was so quiet.  Icy weather was knocking at the door so I had no choice but to stay home.  Television just wasn’t cutting it. I was restless and knew exactly what I needed to settle down. Time with my Savior and to get out the emotions I was feeling.  Ever faithful, I asked if God would come hold my hand. I knew that what I was feeling was not going anywhere. I know that it won’t for a while.  So what did He do? As I sat on the couch, writing in my journal and talking to Him out loud (I’m not crazy), He came and held my hand.  Not is a physical, Jesus came and sat on the couch with me last night way, but in a way I could not deny. Everything was welling up in me, pain seeping into my heart and He just let me release it all. It was beautiful. I love to be romanced and pursued by my Savior. He dotes on me like no one else can. He is my strong tower, ready for my burdens. He is just what I need all the time.  And He gave me Christmas trees.

This Christmas tree is not mine by the way, but I haven't taken any pictures of ours yet. 

Off the grid

Aaaaannnndd 7 months later, I write another blog post. Obviously, I'm not a golden blogger, but I've been busy with life and writing about things going on in my life has not been on the priority list. But I love to write and so for a little extra curricular workout, I'm giving this baby another shot.

I changed the background to Christmas because it seemed absolutely necessary. I love Christmas. I've been listening to Christmas music since before Thanksgiving, if that gives you a hint. I will also continue listening to it and only it until the actual day. I love that people seem more cheerful. I love that parties are thrown and people make an effort to get back in touch. For just one short month, I feel like I'm living in a snow globe. As cheesy as that may sound, I do.

I keep up with other people on their blogs and a few of them have been doing this 30 days thing. I'm going to try it. Hopefully I can manage and I hope to include other things, since I have so much to talk about during Christmastime!

So here's the list:
Day 1-Introduce yourself, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

P.S. I'm doing this knowing the likelihood that no one will read this. Oh well, at least I'm having fun! And if someone out there is reading this: Welcome!