Prayers.

I would greatly appreciate prayers. Life is hitting me hard. Everything is changing. I came home sobbing last night, regretting a decision, and asking God why He was taking everything from me all at once. I know that is dramatic, but a ton is being taken away. And honestly, I don't want to let go of any of it. It is all very near and dear to my heart, things that mean the most of me.  I know that I have to be willing to give everything up to the Lord and let Him take it. I'm trying to trust in that. There are only a few things I could fight for and I don't know if I should. Somethings I am going to lose. Somethings are going to change. I know the Lord is present and active. I know He loves more than I will ever comprehend. I know He's got great plans for me. I know He hears the cries and desires of my heart. I can't give up on somethings yet. I have too much hope to despair in them. It could be a childish thing, but it's true.

Prayer you can borrow

As I sit writing this, A Prayer You Can Borrow by Sean McConnell is playing. I love this song. This is where the title came from, but the prayer I'm about to share you don't have to pray. I just wanted to share.

Last night as I walked into myself, I was exhausted, I did not feel well, and I was smiling. I had found some peace. Different than the peace I've been experiencing lately.

Here's how my prayer went, as I got out of my car and walked into the house.
"Lord, I am unworthy of even a shadow of the blessings You have given to me. Time and time again, I forget that You are Most Holy. I forget that your love reaches through this filth I lay in. You pull me out and wash the sin off me when I simply ask for forgiveness and repent. I am so unworthy of all of it. And Lord, I am just grateful that You are my life and breath. Above all else in this world, I want that. But Lord, You have chosen to bless me tenfold in Your grace, mercy, and love. May I remain grateful for these blessings. May I treasure them as the precious gifts that they are. Teach me how to love and care for the people You have put in my life. Teach me how to bring glory to You in all situations. And Lord, may these blessings constantly remind me of  You, not replace You. There is no one like You and I only desire to have my heart beat for You through these blessings. Thank you, thank you for all of it. May I be a good steward with what You've blessed me with."


As I got into bed last night, I grabbed my big purple Bible, if it's ok to have a favorite Bible, this one is mine. It's beat up and well worn. It's the Bible I highlight verses and write revelations in. I wanted to find a verse and I went to Psalm and looked at a few chapters and then random flipped back a few pages and found this verse. Perfect!
"Glorify the Lord with me. Let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3


That's what I want all the relationships to look like in my life. And that is a prayer I'm borrowing from David.

Revelations

Ever have those moments where revelations come? Or rather revelations have been coming for a while now but you are just now seeing it? Sometimes these revelations are small and sometimes they are life-changing, but generally you only really see them when you open your eyes, when you fall to your knees at the Cross, when you surrender.  We pray for these revelations and changes in your lives.  We pray for courage and strength, forgiveness and joy, truth and answers. Most of the time, those things are right in front of us! We are too blind by our humanness, lack of faith or trust, and weaknesses to see it. And that is one of the MANY beautiful things about Christ.  Romans 5:8 “while we were yet still sinners!” Let the beauty of those words wash over you.  We did not do anything. We did not deserve it. Yet, when we accept this glorious gift, we become restored, worthy, redeemed.  

Through this time I am going through, the Lord is revealing a lot of things.  Some things are good and encouraging.  Some things are lessons I need to learn but are painful to realize or hear.  I want that truth in my life, no matter the pain.  I need that truth.  I long to be a better follower. I long to draw closer to my Lord and Savior. I long desperately for that. Especially now. I am broken, on my knees, crying before the Throne.  I need that so very much. Even when life is blessing me abundantly, I need Him.  I forget that so often. I try so hard to be perfect, to please people.  I am a sinner though. I am not perfect and can never be while I am on this earth and I need to learn that.  There are other things my Father is revealing to me, things too far in my heart, things that I am not ready to reveal on a blog for all to see.  I do cherish this time though. As hard as it is, as much as I hate the pain, as broken as I feel, I cherish these deeply intimate moments with the King. Oh what beautiful times! There is nothing like being vulnerable to the Ultimate and Only Healer. Nothing like coming before the throne and begging for Him to hold your hand through this.  Nothing like asking him to reveal Himself to you. Nothing like using this time to restore you and bring you closer to Him. Nothing like time with the Savior.

When was the last time you had that moment? When was the last time you laid your troubles before Him and left them there? When was the last time you left your sins on the blood stained, cleansing altar? When was the last time you heard Him speak and allowed Him to truly move in your life? Or trusted Him with something that scared you? Or allowed His love to flood you? When?

Oh dear reader, moments with our Lord are unlike any other. They satisfy our deepest desires. They help us through our darkest moments. They forgive us of our sins and allow healing to come to our tattered hearts. How, how do they do all these things? Because He is there.  The Bible says over and over again, if you seek the Lord, you will find Him. Seek Him today. Spend time in His glorious presence.  Spend time in reverence and praise because He is the King of kings. Cast your burdens down before Him. You need not carry them anymore. You are not strong enough. He will carry them for you. Allow Him to reveal those revelations you have been praying for.  Allow Him to love you.

Day 3

As cheesy as it may sound, my first love really is Christ. Before boys ever entered the pictures, before dating became an option, before I cared about fashion, make-up, or anything along those lines, I fell in love with Jesus. 9 years old. Easter Sunday. I had had an ear infection for a few days and that morning I woke up with searing pain. We found out the next day, a tube had busted in my ear. All I knew was it hurt like somethin' fierce. Anyways, Mom and I stayed home. And as she was giving me my Easter basket, she started telling the story of Jesus. I had heard it so many times before and had walked down to the front at the age of 7, but this time, oh this time, it made sense. Not only did it make sense, it became real to me. So I prayed to receive Christ. For Him to come into my heart. To forgive my ever-increasing, unending list of sins. To save me from myself. And ever since then, no matter how I've acted, He has wanted me, pursued me, loved me, and forgiven me. In all His everlasting GLORY and MAJESTY, He, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, still has a desire for little old ugly, unworthy me.

How can Jesus not be my first Love?

And her's an amazing retelling of the Christmas Story by an old youth pastor of mine. It's incredible!