Tumblr

So after playing around on Tumblr for the last few weeks, I've decided it's a lot easier to use and I like it better sooooo graceunending.tumblr.com. See you there.

Tumblr

This week I created a Tumblr account since Blogger was giving me a few issues. I can't decide which one I like yet. If I choose Tumblr, I'll let you know the site at that time.

Two more days

My house sold this month. Almost 14 years here. I am a homebody. Ridiculously so. I finished packing my room today. I couldn't handle doing it all at once. Luckily, I've had someone by my side every time I've worked on it the past week. My safe zone for the past 7 years. This place has been my refuge. I've laughed, mourned, cried, grew up, experienced life, learned to cook, clean, garden, work, everything here. I've experienced dark times here and beautiful times. I have two nights left here. I can't believe this is the end. Some stranger will come and make memories here. Grow plants. Cook meals. Celebrate holidays. Love. Hurt. Live. Here, in my home, well for two more days.
And it's been me and my mom. Easily my favorite person in this world. It's just been us for the past 9 years. We did not have the typical teenage hardships. We actually got along great. And we still do. Had our rough patches, but always came out stronger. This is our last week living together. She got married last night (9 days early thanks to a miscommunication and legal jurisdiction for a marriage license.) She's moving 500 miles away. I'm not losing her, but I am as my roommate.


Two.more.days.


And my whole world changes. I'll spend six weeks in Texas serving as an intern for a youth camp and come back to finish college. I don't know if it will be home anymore. I can't imagine living in Atlanta without my mom around. I can't imagine not spending hours working in the yard or doing some crazy DIY project here.


Two more days and it all ends. God knew all this was going to happen this week. It isn't a surprise to Him. And He isn't freaking out. I HAVE to trust that. I HAVE to depend on Him. My brother says if God didn't give you more than you could handle, you wouldn't need Him.


Boy, is this more than I can handle. And boy do I need Him. Not sure how I'm going to make it through these next two days. Only through Him.


Clinging to Isaiah 43:1-5.

Prayers.

I would greatly appreciate prayers. Life is hitting me hard. Everything is changing. I came home sobbing last night, regretting a decision, and asking God why He was taking everything from me all at once. I know that is dramatic, but a ton is being taken away. And honestly, I don't want to let go of any of it. It is all very near and dear to my heart, things that mean the most of me.  I know that I have to be willing to give everything up to the Lord and let Him take it. I'm trying to trust in that. There are only a few things I could fight for and I don't know if I should. Somethings I am going to lose. Somethings are going to change. I know the Lord is present and active. I know He loves more than I will ever comprehend. I know He's got great plans for me. I know He hears the cries and desires of my heart. I can't give up on somethings yet. I have too much hope to despair in them. It could be a childish thing, but it's true.

My momma

This is my momma.

She is a hoot. She also thinks she's really funny a lot of the time too. She loves to laugh.  I think the world of her.  She is truly my best friend. She tells it to me straight when I need to hear it. She holds me and hurts when I hurt or cry.  She can be silly. She can be serious. She is sweet and feisty. She's strong and loving. 


This Mother's Day was unique because it was the last one that we will be living together. I was pretty emotional about the whole day. And basically wanted her all to myself all day. It didn't happen because our lives are crazy right now with us moving in a few weeks and responsibilities and people and such.  


I love my mom, more than anyone on this earth. No one gets me like she does. No one can replace who my momma is to me.  She is so much to me. I can only pray that my daughters love and look up to me like I do her.  

I'm 22 years old. I've wanted to live on my own since I graduated high school, but it  was never really possible. Now I don't have a choice. Although I'm excited about my independence. She's moving away. About 500 miles away. We are both having a hard time with it. It wouldn't be as hard if I was just moving out, but life throws you curve balls and you just gotta swing.


So today, here's to the greatest mom I've ever known. To the mom who adopts my friends as her own. To the mom who let me crawl in her bed when I had nightmares. Who still calls me "her baby". To the mom, who, single-handedly raised me. To the mom who told me about Jesus. To the mom who took care of me when I was sick. To the mom who taught me how to cook and love it.  To the mom who always did my hair.  To the mom who means the world to me.  To the mom who made me her best friend.


I would do anything for you, Mom. I have life because you wanted me. I survived life, because you helped carry me. I love life because I have Life, and you introduced me to Him.


You'll always be my best friend. I'll always be your baby.
I love you, Momma, always no matter what or who.

Circa May 2007

Blinded by darkness

Let me first by starting off by saying I've seen that some people from other countries have been reading my blog. I have no idea how you found it, what you read, if you liked it, etc, but Welcome.

The past few days have been CRAZY. I've gone 100mph almost non-stop. I'm stressed. Life is chaotic. Can't say I've been enjoying some things, but that's life. So today, I had on the planner was a doctor's appointment in the early afternoon and then the Braves game tonight.  What better to do with that free time than be with my Savior. So I was reading Jesus Calling and as I was catching up on the last few days, I came across Psalm 119:105


"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."


Pretty clear. Pretty straightforward. If you've been around church for anytime, you've heard this verse, most likely. 
But this thought hit me.


"I would be blind without the Word. "


Think about it.  Sitting to my left is my Bible. 99.9% of what I know about the Lord is from this book.  Yet I don't always treat it as such. I don't always treat it like the greatest treasure I possess.  Not only that but if you look at John 1, it says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

Now, my Bible is not God. But it is who we know Him. It is how we know about hope and life. It is how we know about how to live. Most importantly, it is how we know that it is not about us, it is about Him. He wrote this book. These are His words.  


How often do I read those words and think that? Not as much as I should.


My heart is heavy. Growing up is hard. Everyday I question if I was pursuing the right things. Doing the right things. Making wise choices. Am I being selfish? Am I wrong? Am I blind to obvious things? Everything in my life right now, has a purpose, but do I need to rid myself of those things? What am I doing? Who I am?


I could go on and on. I am a doubter and a worrier. I'll be the first to admit it. People that know me well, will be the second. Most moments the only thing I know for sure is that the Lord is my Savior and He is sovereign.


Today I'm praying for faith, strength, and hope. I'm praying to trust, to understand, to stop. I'm just praying.


And needing more of the Light and less darkness. Needing more of Him and His words and less of me.

I've got a story to tell

I am one who hung Him on that tree. 

I am also one who decided to live free.
Oh that glorious Cross
Covered in blood, so that I suffer no loss.
Who am I, that I may receive?
All He asked was that I believe.
Life and grace is what I choose.
I knew I had nothing to lose.
On a serious note,
there is a moment I must devote.
You see, this Savior of mine, 
He is divine.
In tune with the Father from up above
He showed us the greatest act of love.
Born a babe,
Descendant of Abe
He lived a life only God could live.
Still we realized not what He had to give.
Where you there when they crucified my Lord?
The angels were, in one accord.
Blood on my hands.
God knew the plans.
One heart breaks.
The whole world aches.
The earth shattered.
Demons scattered.
His life did not end there,
He wanted to make us an heir.
Three days in the grave,
He was so brave.
Come that morning light,
He did not fight.
For He knew He won,
When He said," It is done."
With sin and death, 
We have no breath.
He gave us life,
So there'd be no more strife.
We need to be a celebration, 
Telling all the nations.
Our Savior has risen!
Don't get stuck in this prison, 
The world filled with pain and destruction.
Turn to the Bible for a word of instruction.
So that's my story
To Him be the glory.
Amen.


This has been working in my head since yesterday afternoon.
Happy Easter.

I wanted to help him

Read this first. Parking Lot Billy (I read this blog EVERYDAY. It's my Bible study leader's family blog. It's wonderful and inspiring.)
 So I read this post and it was truly convicting. Tymm and Laura really live out being Jesus' hands and feet. And this article weighed on my mind.

So now my story.
A few Fridays ago, I was minding my own business as I hurried to the Walmart to pick up the last few things I needed to babysit my nieces for the evening (Aunt Katie has to provide a good time!). As I rounded to corner to get to the parking lot, I saw a man on the side of the road with a sign "Family of 4 needs help". My heart hurt for him, but I continued to drive by. As I walked into Walmart, I wondered what I could do for him. I'm a poor college student. And then it hit me, buy his family dinner. With Kacie (12) and Kelli (10).
See, I have had the honor of spending time in (almost) weekly Bible study with Kelli. She asked me to be her mentor at the beginning of January. And we've had some really great discussions about what comes out of our mouths (words), prayers, memorizing verses, serving the Lord. I wanted her and Kacie to experience it what it meant. So when I left WalMart, I went to talk to this man and make sure he would still be there in about 15 minutes.
I rushed to my sister's house, told the girls to say goodbye, put on shoes, and get in the car as fast as they could. Everyone wanted to know where we were going, but I wouldn't tell them.
After we piled in the car, I told them what we were about to do and asked them why we were doing it. "Jesus wants us to," was their reply. I had tears in my eyes the entire drive. We walked into Walmart and picked a nice big meal and some cookies, parked near the man, and got out. I told the girls that we were going to talk to him for a few minutes and then pray for him, if he let us.  His name is Ken. His wife's name is Laurie and they have two children (6 and 3). 
After we got in the car, I looked in my rearview mirror and those sweet girls were just beaming. (Funny side note, Kelli was so excited because she says she has a heart for old men with beards (which Ken had) and she always wanted to help them, random but hilarious and adorable.) We called their parents  and then my mom and the girls talked about what they had done and how they felt about it. That night as I was tucking them in, I was laying with Kacie and after I prayed over her, she started praying for Ken and his family. It was the sweetest prayer filled with compassion and love for a stranger.


On Monday, I get a text from Kacie, "Can u chat i want 2 tell you something." When I got on the phone with her, she starts telling me about this man she saw on the side of the road on her spring break trip to Tampa. He had a sign as well. "I wanted to help him, Aunt Katie. We had donuts in the car and I wanted to give him them." 
Can I die now? Yes, they get it they really really get it!!!!! 

I am by no means perfect, nor am I always a good role model, nor do I do everything right, but I do understand that my nieces look up to me. I am reminded of that everyday and especially when they say they want to be like me. In my head, I think "aim higher." I have a huge responsibility to these girls and I see it as a huge honor. I didn't ask for it, but I am blessed beyond measure by it. They hold me accountable in ways few can because I know they are watching. It's scary really to think my decisions, actions, and words are being watched.
As much I teach these girls, they teach me just as much. This whole thing made me wonder do we live like we are being watched by others?
Do we live like our decisions, words, and actions impact others?
How do we react when the dog does something wrong, something breaks, someone says something mean, we see someone we don't like, etc.? And who is around when we react?
I don't know how many of you have kids, but as parents are you being the person you want your kids to grow up to be? 
Are you dressing in a way they can model after? 
Are you saying the words that they should say?
Are you making wise decisions? 
Are your actions what they should be?
And to the people without children, you're not off the hook either. You'll have little eyes watching you someday too, but don't think people aren't watching now.  Ask all those questions in regards to your family, friends, and even strangers. I guarantee, unless you are completely alone, someone is watching you (insert creepy music, but seriously).


I know I certainly don't. Sometimes, I even act like God isn't watching and He's watching ALL the time. I'm not saying you should do things based off what others think, I'm talking about knowing that you are being held accountable for everything you do. Honestly, I don't live like that a lot of the time, but I want to. 


So today I'm asking myself, "Am I living like my decisions, actions, and words impact others?"

Control

Confession: I am a control freak.


I wrote that post the other day about trusting the Lord and finding comfort in Him.  And as more of my life is being thrown into the grey area with a giant question mark, it is getting easier, because the more things that happen, the more they are out of my control.  


I am the kind of control freak who plans. I like a target to aim at, generally I like a way to get there or I decide on my own. I'm stubborn (the older I get, the more I see that everyday). At times, I'm even inflexible or it sure looks like that.  It's one of those ugly warts I have. We all have them and this is one of mine.  I want to know what I'm doing, when, how, where, etc. The "why" isn't always important. I have become more and more aware of this side of me over the past year and I'm actually very grateful that it's been pointed out to me by people and even more by the Lord.


I had even more control taken from me yesterday. And honestly, I laughed at it. It did stress me out, but I laughed.  This slap in the face came from school, we have a love/hate relationship.  Of the 7 classes I need to graduate, only 2 of them I have to take, the others are of my choosing, to a certain extent. Well these 2 classes are offered only once in the fall and at the same time....which means if this isn't changed, my already-in-question-December-graduation will disappear and I will graduate in May of 2012. How this all plays out is completely out of my control. I called the person in charge of all this and left a voicemail asking what to do. Not only will my graduation date change, but my summer plans will too. I won't do a school-sanctioned internship so that I can be full-time for the fall and spring (Pretty fond of the whole health insurance thing!).  That would leave my summer completely open and free. I'm just trusting the Lord. He knows when I will graduate from college and what my summer plans are, what job I'm going to have, and even what words I'm going to right next. He's got it all. He's in control.


I should tell you though, when I saw the schedule conflict, a question almost crossed my lips. Thankful it didn't. What's the question? "What else you got, Lord?" The clip from Bruce Almighty ("Smite me, O Mighty Smiter!) played in my head. However, I do not have the courage to challenge God.  I think of when Job did that and cringe. "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell Me, if you understand." Job 38:4
Hmmm, yeahno I don't want that to happen. 
I'm embarrassed to admit that I did that in my own, not direct challenging God way.  Before everything went down or rather up into the air, I knew there were things I was not relinquishing. And I boldly told God, "You are going to have to take these from my hands, because I just can't hand them over." I honestly meant it, too.  It wasn't a "come and get it if you want it". It was an earnest, "I'm having trouble letting this go. I know You want so take it from me." And He has. It hasn't happened like I imagined. Ever. But literally every day that goes by, He takes more. Somethings I didn't even know I hadn't given Him. He's taking it all though. And I praise Him for it. 


I can screw things up before opening my mouth. I think as humans we are experts at messing things up. I have desires, wants, visions, and dreams of how I want things to play out, but it is so far out of my control at the moment, I couldn't make those things happen, no matter what I did.


So here's the lesson I learned.
When you ask for God to break you, to take control of your life, He does. Case in point? me.
Ask it if you dare, but don't think He isn't going to do it.


My name is Katie and I'm a control freak.

Comfort

Play this while reading, please.


Today as I walked into my room to go to bed, I found this.

My Bible resting on my pillow and a box of tissues. Probably two of the most essential things in my life right now.  I couldn't help but smile.  You see, as I made my way upstairs, I was thinking about how so many earthly comforts are being taken away from me. 
(And I'm not talking about possessions, although my house will be going up for sale in the next fews weeks. It's the "home" factor I'm losing with it, not the actual house. And there's a whole lot of relational changes going on, as well as life and future changes. Really, everything's just been tossed into the air this last month. Maybe not everything, but a lot of things.)
Anyway, my Bible hadn't magically been left there, I had put it there this morning in search for a verse that I had on my heart. And happened (Jesus) to leave it open.
As I stared at this precious book, two verses that had been playing in my head came to mind.
Isaiah 40:1

And then 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Not only are these verses what I need to claim but I love the headings that go before each. "Comfort for God's People" and "The God of All Comfort"
I don't know why some things are happening and why they are happening the way they are. Some things I don't understand. I have wants and desires about everything, but I don't believe God is focusing on that. I don't believe they are being ignored, nor are they completely inconsequential, I just think God's trying to get me past the biggest hump, before anything else.
Let me paint a visual picture of what I'm feeling about my life right now.  Imagine you are standing over your kitchen sink, you are rinsing off vegetables in a colander. You shake off the excess water and turn to put them in a bowl, just as you turn, your feet get tangled up and you begin to fall, arms going up. Freeze, see it? Do you see all those vegetables coming out of the colander and about to scatter everywhere? That's how I see my life.
So that's kind of how I feel. I know a huge thing that the Lord is teaching me is to rely on Him above all else, above comfort, above people, above plans, above everything. HE is my comfort. HE is my everything. I just need to cling to Him and His Word. He is not going to abandon me or leave me out to dry. There is purpose for this, I'm already seeing that. (I may not always remember that.) To trust Him.
Huh, that's funny, basically the theme in my life for 2011. (See trust Me from January 4th).


The song that you've been listening to is one that I have played over and over again, because it's where I am.


"And I find myself here on my knees again." (Yep, that's where I am.)


Working on trusting the Lord and finding my comfort in Him during all this.


"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

For sale

Today I begin the process of making my home a house so someone else will want to call it home. Today I start to say goodbye.

One week

One week from now, I will be packing for the Atlanta Mission Trip. I am beyond excited about this trip.  Ever since Passion, I have felt a strong calling and desire to go serve my city.  I have really grown to love it since being in college. From working down there, playing down there, and serving down there, this city has captured my heart.  I also am very close to some people that love this city a whole lot too.
It's my home. It really is. I get excited when I see it as my plane lands, my car heads towards it, or as I ride good ol' MARTA.  I think it is beautiful.
So I am excited about this week. I get to serve with some people who just blow my mind. I get to follow behind leaders who are a blessing.  I get to build friendships with my team and better the ones that already exist.  I get to serve the people of Atlanta. And above all else, I get to serve the GOD of this city. And that song keeps playing in my head. I have yet to sing it without tears burning my eyes. 
This week, I have decided to change things up. The team went a retreat this weekend. It was amazing. I loved every minute of it. We were challenged to fast from things that distracted us. I knew immediately the things that I needed to fast from. One of them being TV, if there is nothing else to do, I watch it. However, I want to use this time to be productive, to spend more time with the Lord, studying the Word, and serving Him.  
Also as I was driving home from my sister's house this evening, I was thinking about my devotions. I decided that every day this week, I would spend time somewhere else. Today was at my house. I want to write about each one so that's all I'm giving away for now, expect I'm pretty excited about tomorrow. One thing for sure, I will be spending time with the Lord in Atlanta this week, I might even make a whole day of it, we'll see. 
It's just me and Jesus this week. I'm hoping to look to Him for everything this week. To find total joy, total healing, wisdom, peace, everything He so wonderfully blesses His followers with. 

Playing it safe

I'm in the process of deciding my summer plans. I've had a few internship offers. I'm excited about each for different reasons. However, there are still issues. I consider myself an idealist. I want the visions, dreams, hopes in my head to come true. And well, life doesn't exactly work like that.
I sat in my car with Alex the other day talking about how I felt like I hadn't done much in college. I hadn't lived it out. How when I thought about college, the life I'm living is not what I had imagined. And the last part, for sure, is true. I didn't think my life would look like what it does. And it frustrates me, a lot sometimes. I know, see, and hear about college experiences, roommate adventures, road trips, mission trips, basically anything you think of and I get really jealous, because I haven't gotten to/ haven't done most of that. I have 10 months before I graduate and most of those things aren't even options anymore, because I have to be "responsible." I don't think there's a word I hate more right now than that one. 
I don't want to get stupid and do ridiculous things. I don't want to go off the deep end. I have no desire to do anything bad. I just want to live. I want to do something crazy. Like spend the summer in Africa or do the World Race or work for a refugee organization. I want to dive into the world and get dirty (in a Biblical sense, thank you very much!).
Will I do those things? I doubt it. I'll probably take the safest route, because that's who I am. I went to the "safest" college and stayed there. I have lived these four years in a bubble. I'll take the most responsible internship. I'll graduate and get a job, probably go to seminary. 
Here's where I am at. In 10 months, I "enter" the real world. However, I entered it a long time ago. It's just that that's what everyone will officially expect of me when I graduate. I feel like my youth is ending. It's not that I don't want to become an adult, I just don't want to be "that" adult. Living a normal, boring expected life. And I feel like that's what I've been living, because that's just who I am. I will be the responsible adult. I will do what's expected and needed. 
What it all boils down to is that I feel like I am a coward. The reason I haven't done most of the things is because I'm scared.
So as I poured my frustrations out to Alex, I said that I felt like a nobody.  He looked at me with the most sincere face, "You aren't a nobody to me."  He went one to talk about my friends and family. And what I have done. And I realized that while I wallow in my self-pity, I'm acting like my life is over and I'm downplaying/ ignoring the blessings of the people and things I have in my life. I have no idea when I'm going to die, but I'm not dead yet. I can't change the past, but I can live in the moment and the future is wide open.
I also realized that the world's idea of responsible and God's idea are worlds apart. And I choose God's. I choose to be a fool for Christ.
So here's to a life full of laughter and joy, some tears, immense faith, a life full of adventure!


Here's to a life worth living.

Emails from Africa

Part of this post has been written for a few days, but I had no idea what to do with it and what else to say until today! When I read an article.
Yesterday I was reading over a number of old emails. I came across the emails my boyfriend and I wrote to each other while I was in Africa in September. As much as I love Africa, that trip to Liberia was horrible.  At this point, Alex and I had been dating for 3 months (in fact, we hit the 3 months mark, while I was gone.) Anyways, having some letters with me from him and being able to get internet twice to check my email was a huge thing that kept me together. (Now before you think I hate Africa or something, you could not be more wrong. I love Africa and have since I began sponsoring this beautiful boy in Tanzania my freshman year of high school.  I've been there twice. And I'm praying that the Lord will bless enough to adopt at least one African baby.) This trip was difficult for many reasons. I remember having a countdown of hours going in my head with at least two days left. (You may be losing respect for me as I continue to type, I'll be happy to share my experience with you, I just don't want to share it with the world.) And then I boarded the plane, leaving my mom behind, where she would stay for the next 3 weeks. The flight was long and sleepless, 18 hours next to the air vent. I didn't care I just wanted to be home. Sometime around 6:30 AM Monday morning September 13, I stepped off the train of the Atlanta Airport and headed up that long escalator. I ran up it. I saw Alex and dropped everything I was carrying and landed in his arms (It could have been in a movie). 
Relief.
I was home.
I'm sure you are wondering why I'm telling this story.  Well as glad as I was to be home, as hard as the trip was, Liberia had etched itself on my heart.  I perk up anytime someone mentions the country. From being there and immersing myself in the culture and people, as well as studying the country, I know a lot about it. I not only had the honor of loving the poorest (of the world), I also sat in government officials' offices. I heard a sorts of stories from the war and life after, I heard the current struggles. 
To say this country is in real trouble is an understatement. The only electricity in the country is from generators. Running water ANY where in the country is a rarity and a luxury.  About 80% of the workforce is unemployed. The mother/child mortality rate is the highest in the world. This country is continually ranked in the top five poorest nations. Corruption and greed are rampant in the government. Three million people live in the country. It is the size of the state of Tennessee and there are 3 hospitals. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the picture.
Anyways, I read this article today about the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association holding a revival/meeting there in March.  Click here to read Billy's Experience
I thought it was very interesting. The vice president, Tolbert later became president of the country and he was assassinated while in office, which started the beginning of the civil war for this country.  
Just pray for this nation and people. They are lost and more than anything else, they need Jesus. Christianity is there and there are many churches, but they still need Him. I'm going to post a little background on the war and an interview I had with a member from Parliament that survived it.
Thinking about Africa today.

Not forgotten

Hey readers,

Just wanted to say I have not forgotten about you. Life is super busy with school, work, a social life. I'm running a through possible posts in my head right now. Hopefully I'll have some time to post something soon.

Restore to me the joy of YOUR salvation

Restore

- verb (used with object), -stored, -storing

1. to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish.
2. to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.
3. to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.
4. to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.
5. to give back, make return or restitution of anything taken away of lost).
6. to reproduce or reconstruct (an ancient building, extinct animal, etc.( in the original state)

Restoring  has been everywhere I look lately.  


Last weekend, I went to TX for my brother's DNOW. I was leading a group of beautiful 10th grades (I love this class). Guess what the topic for the weekend was: Restoration. It was focused on Nehemiah. It's probably a book you haven't studied all the much. Here's the lowdown. Israel had been in captivity for their sinful ways once again. The ruler paid for the Israelites that wanted to to return to their land. Very few chose to return and those that did found the wall in shambles. Nehemiah and his family had remained in the foreign kingdom, he returned to Jerusalem to rebuild it (a very dangerous thing to do, considering he was the king's cupbearer, it's a bigger deal than you would think). It was about the people returning to their relationship with the Lord as well as worshipping Him. Restoring the wall. Restoring the devotion to God. Restoring His rightful place in their hearts. Get the picture?


Well I come home from this trip and I, of course, had missed the sermon from my church on Sunday since I was out of town.  I knew we were preparing for a solemn assembly that week. The church handed out a week-long daily devotional to do. Title: Restoring Your First Love. At this point, I felt God was tapping me very persistently on the forehead, standing in front of me shouting, "HELLO!!!! Are you getting this?"


"Yes, Lord, I am," but was I really? I thought so, but I was missing something. I got the restoring your First Love, putting Christ in His rightful place in your life, aka a million miles above everything else. He had been really working that into me since I'd say Thanksgiving. Passion had really hit that home for me. And January has been an attempt to live it. I've failed, many times, especially these last few days. Not necessarily putting other things, people, activities, whatever in His place, but really clinging to Him being ALL.


I knew that as I sat in the main sessions for DNOW, that God wasn't just working on restoring me to Him. Every time restoring other things was suggested, I would ask God, "What else is there? I know You are telling me something, what is it?"


The Lord is actually restoring a number things. Some things are happening differently than I thought.  But it is so good. Letting the Lord do things rather than taking them into my own hands is so much better! Tuesday I was wrestling with some stuff (I misunderstood something going on and my misunderstanding was making me upset.) And this verse kept playing in my head.


"Restore to me the joy of  Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." Psalm 51:12 


Over and over again I kept repeating it. I love that Psalm, it's probably my favorite. It's the one I turn a lot when I know I've sinned and just don't know what to say.


I found some other verses on restoring for those of you who are experiencing what I am or long to be restored or just want to hear from the Lord.


Job 22:23
Job 33:26
Psalm 14:7
Psalm 71:20
Psalm 80:3, 7, 19
2 Corinthians 13:9
Galatians 6:1
1 Peter 5:10


"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10


Be blessed. Be restored.

Prayer you can borrow

As I sit writing this, A Prayer You Can Borrow by Sean McConnell is playing. I love this song. This is where the title came from, but the prayer I'm about to share you don't have to pray. I just wanted to share.

Last night as I walked into myself, I was exhausted, I did not feel well, and I was smiling. I had found some peace. Different than the peace I've been experiencing lately.

Here's how my prayer went, as I got out of my car and walked into the house.
"Lord, I am unworthy of even a shadow of the blessings You have given to me. Time and time again, I forget that You are Most Holy. I forget that your love reaches through this filth I lay in. You pull me out and wash the sin off me when I simply ask for forgiveness and repent. I am so unworthy of all of it. And Lord, I am just grateful that You are my life and breath. Above all else in this world, I want that. But Lord, You have chosen to bless me tenfold in Your grace, mercy, and love. May I remain grateful for these blessings. May I treasure them as the precious gifts that they are. Teach me how to love and care for the people You have put in my life. Teach me how to bring glory to You in all situations. And Lord, may these blessings constantly remind me of  You, not replace You. There is no one like You and I only desire to have my heart beat for You through these blessings. Thank you, thank you for all of it. May I be a good steward with what You've blessed me with."


As I got into bed last night, I grabbed my big purple Bible, if it's ok to have a favorite Bible, this one is mine. It's beat up and well worn. It's the Bible I highlight verses and write revelations in. I wanted to find a verse and I went to Psalm and looked at a few chapters and then random flipped back a few pages and found this verse. Perfect!
"Glorify the Lord with me. Let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3


That's what I want all the relationships to look like in my life. And that is a prayer I'm borrowing from David.

Christians can be frustrating

I am upset. No, I am more than upset. I am ticked. Really, really ticked.
My church is having a solemn assembly on Sunday. A solemn assembly is a time when the Israelites would gather and humbly repent before God for their own sins and the sins of their nation. It was a time when they recognized the holiness of God and their utter failings.
Here are some Biblical examples of solemn assembly.  
1 Samuel 7:5-6
2 Samuel 6:14
1 Chronicles 13-18
2 Chronicles 15:9-15
2 Chronicles 20:3-13
2 Chronicles 29:5
2 Chronicles 34:31-33
Ezra 6:16-22
Ezra 8:21-23
Ezra 9:5-15
Nehemiah 8:1
Joel 1:13
Joel 2:12-17
As you can see, it happened numerous times.  I have prayed over this coming Sunday since I have heard about. I am doing everything I can to prepare for it. Our church offered a devotional and I have done it every day. I have kept up my own devotionals and I am fasting from certain things. I will NOT let this Sunday go to waste in my own life. I feel so strongly about it. And here comes my rant. (I thought I should warn you)
I went to the prayer meeting tonight at my church.  We met to pray over Sunday.  I had to be the youngest person there by 20 years. Of the 60 or so people that showed up, less than 10 were under the age of 60.  Really? Did the people my age not know or not care enough? I'd like to believe that they didn't know, but I know better. As much as I love the older generation, they are not the future of our world or nation. They will not be the ones to carry Jesus' name to the nations. They will not be in the workplace standing up for what is right. They will not be teaching future generations. They will not be CEOs or government officials. Who will that be? My generation. We are the future and right now I feel like we are wasting away. "But Katie, it's only one prayer meeting." 
Is it really? 
No, it is not. 
Did you know that the largest Buddhist temple is in Boulder, CO?
 Guess where the largest Islamic training center is. Brooklyn, NY. 
Now guess where the largest church is. South Korea. 
The book Unchristian shows statistic after statistic of my generation pushing church farther and farther away. We are "spiritual" or "religious" but we don't pick one belief or want to offend someone. I don't care if I offend someone because I believe in Christ (I'm not going to throw Jesus in peoples' faces or anything like that, but I will not be ashamed). And you can bet my life, I'm picking one belief, Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
The saddest part of tonight was that my church knew young people weren't going to show. Not because we weren't invited. Not because they didn't want us there. Because that's how the world sees us and we proved them right tonight. All we sang were old old hymns. Nothing wrong with hymns, but no one in my generation sings them. 
How come something like Passion comes along and we go nuts? Passion City Church? Some cool, trendy, hip conference, concert, whatever and we jump on it. We sit in those conferences and they tell us to be radical. To go out and change the world. And the opportunity comes to humbly, as a church, come before God and ask for forgiveness and prayer for our very VERY lost nation. AND NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 30 SHOWS UP!!!!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING?!?!
I have sat in the college environment long enough to hear time and time again "I want to be radical in my faith." "I want to live for Jesus." "I want to do this." "I want to do that." 
I am tired of sitting on the couch and saying "I want to (fill in the blank)." I want to be doing it.  
Like it or not, our world is going to hell in a hand basket and we are practically sending muffins with them! Seriously, we are unworthy to carry HIS name. I am unworthy. I am failing, constantly. And I am tired of it. I want more of Jesus and less of me. I want everything to be counted a loss in comparison to the Cross. I want life, not death. We have the opportunity to pray for our nation this Sunday. The older generation needs to pass the torch and WE need to be ready. 
I am not at all trying to be self-righteous and if that's what you get out of this then you have misunderstood my heart in this. I am angry at myself as much as anyone else. Maybe even more. I am broken. I am worthless. I am nothing.
Here's my challenge anyone who goes to JFBC, take every chance you can to prepare for Sunday. Revival could be around the corner. We are the future. We need to go full on praying and preparing. This world is going to get uglier and uglier. It is going to become more and more lost. However, we need to go down fighting it. I do not want to do this alone. It scares me. You do not want to do this alone. Let's be the body of Christ and band together. Let's prepare to meet God on Sunday. I would love to see more college aged/young adults at Saturday night's praying. It's at 5 in the chapel.
Ok, my head has stopped steaming. This sounds radical. It sounds scary, to me at least. It seems too big to do. But if I can it one day at time. One step at a time, depending on my Savior, I can live His plan for my life. And that's all that this solemn assembly is about. Being in step, focused on the King of Glory. And all I want is the King of Glory. I just want Jesus.

no words

I just feel burdened to share verses today, not much talking. I was inspired to do this, when my iPod was on shuffle and Titus (the book) came on. I have the entire Bible on my iPod. It was just what I needed. So far I've listened to Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, 1 Corinthians, and Romans.


Here are the verses that have been on my heart today.


Psalm 37

Do not fret because of those who are evil
   or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
   like green plants they will soon die away.
 ³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.
 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun.
 ⁷ Be still before the LORD
   and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
   when they carry out their wicked schemes.
 ⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
   do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
   but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
 ¹⁰ A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
   though you look for them, they will not be found.
¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
   and enjoy peace and prosperity.
 ¹² The wicked plot against the righteous
   and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³ but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
   for he knows their day is coming.
 ¹⁴ The wicked draw the sword
   and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
   to slay those whose ways are upright.
¹⁵ But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
   and their bows will be broken.
 ¹⁶ Better the little that the righteous have
   than the wealth of many wicked;
¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,
   but the LORD upholds the righteous.
 ¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,
   and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;
   in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
 ²⁰ But the wicked will perish:
   Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
   they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.
 ²¹ The wicked borrow and do not repay,
   but the righteous give generously;
²² those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
   but those he curses will be destroyed.
 ²³ The LORD makes firm the steps
   of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
   for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
 ²⁵ I was young and now I am old,
   yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
   or their children begging bread.
²⁶ They are always generous and lend freely;
   their children will be a blessing.
 ²⁷ Turn from evil and do good;
   then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸ For the LORD loves the just
   and will not forsake his faithful ones.
   Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed;
   the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land
   and dwell in it forever.
 ³⁰ The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
   and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹ The law of their God is in their hearts;
   their feet do not slip.
 ³² The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
   intent on putting them to death;
³³ but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked
   or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
 ³⁴ Hope in the LORD
   and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
   when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.
 ³⁵ I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
   flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
³⁶ but he soon passed away and was no more;
   though I looked for him, he could not be found.
 ³⁷ Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
   a future awaits those who seek peace.
³⁸ But all sinners will be destroyed;
   there will be no future for the wicked.
 ³⁹ The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
   he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them and delivers them;
   he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
   because they take refuge in him.


Hebrews 13:20-21
²⁰ Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.


Hebrews 6:16-20
¹⁶ People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. ¹⁷ Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. ¹⁸God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. ¹⁹ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, ²⁰ where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.


1 Peter 3:4
⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.


Jeremiah 9:23-24
This is what the LORD says:
   “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
   or the strong boast of their strength
   or the rich boast of their riches,
²⁴ but let the one who boasts boast about this:
   that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
   justice and righteousness on earth,
   for in these I delight,”
            declares the LORD.


Ephesians 3:20-21
²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.


Ephesians 2:10
¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.


Philippians 1:3-6
 ³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


Colossians 1:9
 ⁹ For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives


Galatians 5:22-23
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.


Psalm 46
¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.