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This week I created a Tumblr account since Blogger was giving me a few issues. I can't decide which one I like yet. If I choose Tumblr, I'll let you know the site at that time.

Two more days

My house sold this month. Almost 14 years here. I am a homebody. Ridiculously so. I finished packing my room today. I couldn't handle doing it all at once. Luckily, I've had someone by my side every time I've worked on it the past week. My safe zone for the past 7 years. This place has been my refuge. I've laughed, mourned, cried, grew up, experienced life, learned to cook, clean, garden, work, everything here. I've experienced dark times here and beautiful times. I have two nights left here. I can't believe this is the end. Some stranger will come and make memories here. Grow plants. Cook meals. Celebrate holidays. Love. Hurt. Live. Here, in my home, well for two more days.
And it's been me and my mom. Easily my favorite person in this world. It's just been us for the past 9 years. We did not have the typical teenage hardships. We actually got along great. And we still do. Had our rough patches, but always came out stronger. This is our last week living together. She got married last night (9 days early thanks to a miscommunication and legal jurisdiction for a marriage license.) She's moving 500 miles away. I'm not losing her, but I am as my roommate.


Two.more.days.


And my whole world changes. I'll spend six weeks in Texas serving as an intern for a youth camp and come back to finish college. I don't know if it will be home anymore. I can't imagine living in Atlanta without my mom around. I can't imagine not spending hours working in the yard or doing some crazy DIY project here.


Two more days and it all ends. God knew all this was going to happen this week. It isn't a surprise to Him. And He isn't freaking out. I HAVE to trust that. I HAVE to depend on Him. My brother says if God didn't give you more than you could handle, you wouldn't need Him.


Boy, is this more than I can handle. And boy do I need Him. Not sure how I'm going to make it through these next two days. Only through Him.


Clinging to Isaiah 43:1-5.

Prayers.

I would greatly appreciate prayers. Life is hitting me hard. Everything is changing. I came home sobbing last night, regretting a decision, and asking God why He was taking everything from me all at once. I know that is dramatic, but a ton is being taken away. And honestly, I don't want to let go of any of it. It is all very near and dear to my heart, things that mean the most of me.  I know that I have to be willing to give everything up to the Lord and let Him take it. I'm trying to trust in that. There are only a few things I could fight for and I don't know if I should. Somethings I am going to lose. Somethings are going to change. I know the Lord is present and active. I know He loves more than I will ever comprehend. I know He's got great plans for me. I know He hears the cries and desires of my heart. I can't give up on somethings yet. I have too much hope to despair in them. It could be a childish thing, but it's true.

My momma

This is my momma.

She is a hoot. She also thinks she's really funny a lot of the time too. She loves to laugh.  I think the world of her.  She is truly my best friend. She tells it to me straight when I need to hear it. She holds me and hurts when I hurt or cry.  She can be silly. She can be serious. She is sweet and feisty. She's strong and loving. 


This Mother's Day was unique because it was the last one that we will be living together. I was pretty emotional about the whole day. And basically wanted her all to myself all day. It didn't happen because our lives are crazy right now with us moving in a few weeks and responsibilities and people and such.  


I love my mom, more than anyone on this earth. No one gets me like she does. No one can replace who my momma is to me.  She is so much to me. I can only pray that my daughters love and look up to me like I do her.  

I'm 22 years old. I've wanted to live on my own since I graduated high school, but it  was never really possible. Now I don't have a choice. Although I'm excited about my independence. She's moving away. About 500 miles away. We are both having a hard time with it. It wouldn't be as hard if I was just moving out, but life throws you curve balls and you just gotta swing.


So today, here's to the greatest mom I've ever known. To the mom who adopts my friends as her own. To the mom who let me crawl in her bed when I had nightmares. Who still calls me "her baby". To the mom, who, single-handedly raised me. To the mom who told me about Jesus. To the mom who took care of me when I was sick. To the mom who taught me how to cook and love it.  To the mom who always did my hair.  To the mom who means the world to me.  To the mom who made me her best friend.


I would do anything for you, Mom. I have life because you wanted me. I survived life, because you helped carry me. I love life because I have Life, and you introduced me to Him.


You'll always be my best friend. I'll always be your baby.
I love you, Momma, always no matter what or who.

Circa May 2007

Blinded by darkness

Let me first by starting off by saying I've seen that some people from other countries have been reading my blog. I have no idea how you found it, what you read, if you liked it, etc, but Welcome.

The past few days have been CRAZY. I've gone 100mph almost non-stop. I'm stressed. Life is chaotic. Can't say I've been enjoying some things, but that's life. So today, I had on the planner was a doctor's appointment in the early afternoon and then the Braves game tonight.  What better to do with that free time than be with my Savior. So I was reading Jesus Calling and as I was catching up on the last few days, I came across Psalm 119:105


"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."


Pretty clear. Pretty straightforward. If you've been around church for anytime, you've heard this verse, most likely. 
But this thought hit me.


"I would be blind without the Word. "


Think about it.  Sitting to my left is my Bible. 99.9% of what I know about the Lord is from this book.  Yet I don't always treat it as such. I don't always treat it like the greatest treasure I possess.  Not only that but if you look at John 1, it says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

Now, my Bible is not God. But it is who we know Him. It is how we know about hope and life. It is how we know about how to live. Most importantly, it is how we know that it is not about us, it is about Him. He wrote this book. These are His words.  


How often do I read those words and think that? Not as much as I should.


My heart is heavy. Growing up is hard. Everyday I question if I was pursuing the right things. Doing the right things. Making wise choices. Am I being selfish? Am I wrong? Am I blind to obvious things? Everything in my life right now, has a purpose, but do I need to rid myself of those things? What am I doing? Who I am?


I could go on and on. I am a doubter and a worrier. I'll be the first to admit it. People that know me well, will be the second. Most moments the only thing I know for sure is that the Lord is my Savior and He is sovereign.


Today I'm praying for faith, strength, and hope. I'm praying to trust, to understand, to stop. I'm just praying.


And needing more of the Light and less darkness. Needing more of Him and His words and less of me.

I've got a story to tell

I am one who hung Him on that tree. 

I am also one who decided to live free.
Oh that glorious Cross
Covered in blood, so that I suffer no loss.
Who am I, that I may receive?
All He asked was that I believe.
Life and grace is what I choose.
I knew I had nothing to lose.
On a serious note,
there is a moment I must devote.
You see, this Savior of mine, 
He is divine.
In tune with the Father from up above
He showed us the greatest act of love.
Born a babe,
Descendant of Abe
He lived a life only God could live.
Still we realized not what He had to give.
Where you there when they crucified my Lord?
The angels were, in one accord.
Blood on my hands.
God knew the plans.
One heart breaks.
The whole world aches.
The earth shattered.
Demons scattered.
His life did not end there,
He wanted to make us an heir.
Three days in the grave,
He was so brave.
Come that morning light,
He did not fight.
For He knew He won,
When He said," It is done."
With sin and death, 
We have no breath.
He gave us life,
So there'd be no more strife.
We need to be a celebration, 
Telling all the nations.
Our Savior has risen!
Don't get stuck in this prison, 
The world filled with pain and destruction.
Turn to the Bible for a word of instruction.
So that's my story
To Him be the glory.
Amen.


This has been working in my head since yesterday afternoon.
Happy Easter.

I wanted to help him

Read this first. Parking Lot Billy (I read this blog EVERYDAY. It's my Bible study leader's family blog. It's wonderful and inspiring.)
 So I read this post and it was truly convicting. Tymm and Laura really live out being Jesus' hands and feet. And this article weighed on my mind.

So now my story.
A few Fridays ago, I was minding my own business as I hurried to the Walmart to pick up the last few things I needed to babysit my nieces for the evening (Aunt Katie has to provide a good time!). As I rounded to corner to get to the parking lot, I saw a man on the side of the road with a sign "Family of 4 needs help". My heart hurt for him, but I continued to drive by. As I walked into Walmart, I wondered what I could do for him. I'm a poor college student. And then it hit me, buy his family dinner. With Kacie (12) and Kelli (10).
See, I have had the honor of spending time in (almost) weekly Bible study with Kelli. She asked me to be her mentor at the beginning of January. And we've had some really great discussions about what comes out of our mouths (words), prayers, memorizing verses, serving the Lord. I wanted her and Kacie to experience it what it meant. So when I left WalMart, I went to talk to this man and make sure he would still be there in about 15 minutes.
I rushed to my sister's house, told the girls to say goodbye, put on shoes, and get in the car as fast as they could. Everyone wanted to know where we were going, but I wouldn't tell them.
After we piled in the car, I told them what we were about to do and asked them why we were doing it. "Jesus wants us to," was their reply. I had tears in my eyes the entire drive. We walked into Walmart and picked a nice big meal and some cookies, parked near the man, and got out. I told the girls that we were going to talk to him for a few minutes and then pray for him, if he let us.  His name is Ken. His wife's name is Laurie and they have two children (6 and 3). 
After we got in the car, I looked in my rearview mirror and those sweet girls were just beaming. (Funny side note, Kelli was so excited because she says she has a heart for old men with beards (which Ken had) and she always wanted to help them, random but hilarious and adorable.) We called their parents  and then my mom and the girls talked about what they had done and how they felt about it. That night as I was tucking them in, I was laying with Kacie and after I prayed over her, she started praying for Ken and his family. It was the sweetest prayer filled with compassion and love for a stranger.


On Monday, I get a text from Kacie, "Can u chat i want 2 tell you something." When I got on the phone with her, she starts telling me about this man she saw on the side of the road on her spring break trip to Tampa. He had a sign as well. "I wanted to help him, Aunt Katie. We had donuts in the car and I wanted to give him them." 
Can I die now? Yes, they get it they really really get it!!!!! 

I am by no means perfect, nor am I always a good role model, nor do I do everything right, but I do understand that my nieces look up to me. I am reminded of that everyday and especially when they say they want to be like me. In my head, I think "aim higher." I have a huge responsibility to these girls and I see it as a huge honor. I didn't ask for it, but I am blessed beyond measure by it. They hold me accountable in ways few can because I know they are watching. It's scary really to think my decisions, actions, and words are being watched.
As much I teach these girls, they teach me just as much. This whole thing made me wonder do we live like we are being watched by others?
Do we live like our decisions, words, and actions impact others?
How do we react when the dog does something wrong, something breaks, someone says something mean, we see someone we don't like, etc.? And who is around when we react?
I don't know how many of you have kids, but as parents are you being the person you want your kids to grow up to be? 
Are you dressing in a way they can model after? 
Are you saying the words that they should say?
Are you making wise decisions? 
Are your actions what they should be?
And to the people without children, you're not off the hook either. You'll have little eyes watching you someday too, but don't think people aren't watching now.  Ask all those questions in regards to your family, friends, and even strangers. I guarantee, unless you are completely alone, someone is watching you (insert creepy music, but seriously).


I know I certainly don't. Sometimes, I even act like God isn't watching and He's watching ALL the time. I'm not saying you should do things based off what others think, I'm talking about knowing that you are being held accountable for everything you do. Honestly, I don't live like that a lot of the time, but I want to. 


So today I'm asking myself, "Am I living like my decisions, actions, and words impact others?"